Overcoming Depression & Suicidal Thoughts

Introduction: Depression does not just come suddenly. It is actually the climax stage of a series of negative thoughts and feelings that has been building up for a period of time.

I will be sharing on 4 things that can help us prevent the kind of negative thoughts and feelings that can lead to depression and stop such negative thoughts from building up in us. These things can also help someone who has depression and suicidal thoughts to overcome such feelings and thoughts. 

The 4 Things I will be sharing with you are:

1. Moderating your perfectionism & your desire to please people.

2. Preserving your testimonies & focusing more on the positives.

3. Strategic self-awareness & self-management 

4. Talking to someone when you are down

MODERATING YOUR PERFECTIONISM & YOUR DESIRE TO PLEASE PEOPLE - 

It is good to desire to be perfect, but we must not take this desire to the extreme. We must also be patient and ready to grow through the challenges we will face on our way to attaining our goals and desires in life.

Society has conditioned us to believe that a perfect life can only be obtained when you possess certain things or when you attain certain heights or levels of achievement. Especially in this age of social media.  

There is no one definition of a perfect life; because we all are different. We have different callings, purpose and assignment on this earth and we also have different timings also. 

Your perfect life is being your best at every given point in time. It is measured in relation to your purpose and destiny. You attain it by being content and grateful for what you have and where you are and most importantly ‘who’ you are. You need to discover yourself and value yourself for who you are and how unique and blessed you are.  

You must also know that life is about giving. The donation or contribution of your life is more important than the duration of your life. People will remember you for your impact in their lives or the lives of others and not for the amount of income or wealth you received or accumulated for yourself.

Instead of thinking about how to impress people, what we should think of is how to impact people’s lives positively. One of the best ways to do that is to discover yourself, develop yourself and donate or contribute what you have in you to solve problems, create value and better the lives of others. Showing love and care is more important than looking perfect and cool.

2. PRESERVING YOUR TESTIMONIES & FOCUSING MORE ON POSITIVE EXPERIENCES 

There are so many good things that happen in our lives that we are often not as grateful for as we should be. Sometimes we feel they are too small or they are too little to be happy and grateful for; but by doing that we are cheating ourselves from some strength that can help us to achieve bigger things. Another reason we are not grateful for certain good things in our lives is because we compare them with what others have and we feel they are not so valuable.

Sometimes, even when something good happens to us, our minds may want to tell us one or two reasons why we shouldn’t be excited or grateful for that good thing that we have experienced. Maybe because it wasn’t ‘perfect’ enough.

Sometimes, we find it easier to focus and dwell on the negative things about our lives than we focus and dwell on the positive things.

We have to be deliberate about preserving our testimonies and focusing on positive things about our lives. One reason for this is that it builds our confidence.

If I ask you to tell me 10 things you have experienced this year that you are really excited and grateful for right now, will you be able to tell me? How about if I ask you to tell me 10 things that have happened to you this year that you are not happy about? Which will be easier for you to give me?   

Count your blessings more than you lament over your challenges.

The fact that you have not achieved all your goals and desires for this year does not mean that you have not achieved anything this year.

Look again at the simple things of life and be grateful for them. Be grateful that you are alive and you can smile. Be grateful that you have a family or people you can relate with. Be grateful you are healthy and that you have a talent, education, skill or ability. Write down things you are grateful for.

The more you focus on good things about your life, the more you will feel blessed and the less you will feel depressed.

Your challenges are not strange and they are not indications that something is wrong with you. They are part of the process you must go through to develop your capacity to fulfil your purpose and destiny. Do not dwell too much on your disappointments. Do not read negative meanings to your disappointments and do not define yourself by your disappointments or mistakes.   

Let me ask you a question? Can you remember a time in your past when you were doing something and it was so wonderful that you felt very fulfilled? Either because you were really enjoying what you were doing or because people were really impacted and touched or people really appreciated and commended you for that thing you were doing?

Think about it for a moment. Such a memory is one that should be very clear and alive in your mind and one you should refer to from time to time. Whenever you are about to do something and you are feeling anxious and unsure of yourself, remember that experience and thank God for it. Ask God to help in that moment just as He helped you in that past experience. You will be amazed at how much strength and confidence will fill your heart at that moment.

3. STRATEGIC SELF-AWARENESS & SELF-MANAGEMENT 

One thing that will help you to stay alive and fulfill your purpose and destiny is understanding yourself and knowing how to manage yourself strategically.

The way to understand yourself is to observe yourself and take note of how you react and respond to various experiences and situations.

There are times and circumstances within which you are more vulnerable to give in to negative thoughts and emotions. When you know such times and circumstances, you should deliberately avoid them.

You should know the time of the day when you are most active, creative and resourceful. Those are the times you should work more. 

You should know the kind of people that juice you up and make you more fruitful and productive. Those are the kind of people you should stay around more.

You should know when it is best and easiest for you to read and assimilate things and you should know how or what things make you understand the things that you read better. You should know how you learn better. For example by what you hear, what you see or by participating or engaging in physical activity in line with what you are being taught. 

Failure to deliberately do all these things can make you struggle more than necessary and make you not as productive as you should really be. Not because you don’t have the capacity for greater effectiveness, but because you are not being skillful and strategic about managing yourself.

Another example is choosing a course of study that you do not really have the talent or passion for. It may be more difficult for you to attain success in such a course than in one you choose based on your discovery of yourself especially your strengths and abilities.

All of such things are making people experience difficulties and failures that are affecting their self-esteem and can lead to negative emotions and depression in the future.  

Another very vital point under managing yourself is knowing how to refuel yourself.Some people give out so much energy, emotions, care and resources that after a while they begin to feel empty and they burn out….because they are not refueling themselves well enough.

You must know when to rest and when to receive replenishing and refueling of your essence and substance. Do not over work yourself and do not ignore your health. Most times, after resting you have better strength, courage and ideas to face that challenge before you.

Eating healthy and exercising well also greatly help our physical energy levels … which in turn reflect on both our fitness and our countenance and emotional states.

Do not make major decisions when you are in a low emotional state. You may regret such decisions when you are in a better state.

Finally:

4. TALK TO SOMEONE -

There are so many times that the emotions of the moment becloud our judgment and make us have a wrong perspective of life and our situations. But our ability to open up to someone else and share exactly how we feel and be open to getting help or encouragement can help us a lot in such times.

Now, the most important person we must learn to talk to when we are feeling down is God. It is important to have a relationship with God and it is important to know how much God loves us and wants to be a part of our lives. That is why He did all He did by sending Jesus to become a man and to suffer and die for us.

Sometimes it is our guilt and disappointment in ourselves that make us unwilling to open up to anyone, but God is never disappointed in us. He doesn’t want us to impress Him. If we could impress God we would not need God. God wants us to depend on Him and receive His grace to live and fulfill His will and purpose for our lives. Jesus has died and paid for all our sins so God is no more counting our sins against us. He wants us to come boldly to His throne of grace to obtain His mercy and find His grace to help us in our time of need. God does not condemn us.

Like it happened to me during the time I was depressed, if you will pray about that issue that is bothering you and ask God to show Himself in your life and situation, He will come through for you and He will lift you up, because of how much He loves you. God gave you that life that you have and as you trust in Him, He will strengthen you, He will help you overcome that challenge you are facing. God will give you a whole new perspective and strength to face that situation. He will show you His favour.

Now, even after praying to God, there are people that we can meet to get strength and encouragement from them also. There are people who have gone through what you may be going through and there are so many people that are willing to lend their shoulders and helping hands to hold you up and help you go through whatever it is that you may be going through.

We must avoid staying alone or all by ourselves when we are feeling down and sad.

We must also stop nurturing pain and hurts in our hearts. We must learn how to love and forgive people.

In Hebrews 12:15, the Bible says:

“Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled”.

The trouble in many people’s lives is because of the bitterness that is in their hearts.

So to end my session this evening I will remind us again of four things that can help us overcome depression and suicidal thoughts:

1. Moderating our perfectionism and desire to please others,

2. Preserving our testimonies and focusing more on positive things about our lives.

3. Being strategically aware of ourselves and managing ourselves

4. Talking to someone; especially God about what we are going through. 

To read about my experience with depression and suicide, please copy and paste this link below:

http://iefeturi.blogspot.com/2019/08/my-experience-with-depression-and.html  

Thank you for reading.

Ifoghale Efeturi

iefeturi@gmail.com